


Rugelach

by Beammeupbroadway



Series: Falsettos Modern AU [4]
Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: F/M, M/M, Sexual Humor, phallic shaped foods aplently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 17:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8905840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beammeupbroadway/pseuds/Beammeupbroadway
Summary: Whizzer and Marvin host the family meal whilst mid argument. Whizzer is not to be toyed with.





	

"So here is how this is going to go. We're going to have a meal, we won't fight, we won't even speak. Were just going to get through this meal in a civil fashion. Can we do that?"

Whizzer looked around the room with a thoughtful expression, crossing his arms and sighing

"Hmmm, I mean  _possibly_ "

" _Whizzer._ "

"Fine. Civil, mouth shut, smile on face. Got it."

Marvin shook his head, still visibly disgruntled as he continued to set the dinner table. They had offered to host the family meal in a brief moment of insanity. They hadn't accounted for their combined lack of culinary skills, and the tension this would cause, which quickly deteriorated into arguing. As was their way. Still, argument or not the meal would go ahead. He wouldn't let Trina have the satisfaction of admitting he couldn't cook for shit. So they were going to keep it simple, avoid speaking to each other, avoid  _looking_ at each other if necessary, whatever it took to keep the peace in the house. Then the doorbell went. Shit.

"I've got it" Whizzer shouted as he walked over to the front door.

"That sounded like speaking to me Whizzer!"

Whizzer groaned. This was going to be a damned long meal.

 

—-

 

"Mmm, these merguez sausages are great, I really like the way you cooked them!"

"Yes they're great, tell me Marvin exactly how long does it take to burn them to cinders? I'm asking for a friend."

Marvin rolled his eyes, taking a swig from his wine glass and silently praying for this ordeal to be over. It was nice of Mendel to try and be polite, but at this point it was just embarrassing for all involved. He was honestly surprised anyone was even eating it. Small mercies he supposed. Still, at least he and Whizzer had managed to keep the peace so far. Or at least he thought so. Until he decided to look up at Whizzer for the first time since they sat down to eat, and was met with the sight of Whizzer making straight eye contact with him, while slowly running his tongue over a sausage. Marvin glanced up and down the table, but everyone else was using their cutlery to try and dissect the edible parts of the meal. Marvin looked back at Whizzer, who was now bobbing the sausage in and out of his mouth, maintaining eye contact the entire time. Marvin was not going to have this, not while he was sat directly next to his ex-wife and son. 

"Yes well, if  _someone_ had thought to time the oven then maybe it would still be edible."

Marvin glanced back over at Whizzer and everyone followed Marvin's gaze. Whizzer stared right back into Marvin's eyes, took the sausage, and without so much as blinking, bit the top off. Marvin visibly flinched, and Trina burst into hysterics. Mendel looked back down at his sad looking plate, avoiding anyone's gaze, and Jason looked around with a confused expression on his blessedly innocent face. Whizzer swallowed hard, still maintaining eye contact, as he stood up and began to collect in the plates.

"Marvin. I think it's time to bring out dessert. Don't you?"

Marvin nodded, keeping his head down as he helped Whizzer collect the half eaten sad excuses for meals and carried them into the kitchen, shutting the door behind him. After he scraped them clean, he began to pile the plates into the sink when he felt hands come to rest on his hips and Whizzer's teeth lightly nibbling on his earlobe.

"You gonna try that in front of them again? Or do you want a blow job in your foreseeable future, or ever again?"

Marvin let out a shuddering breath, grabbing Whizzer's hands and pulling them lower and lower, until they were snatched back as Whizzer walked away and sauntered over to the fridge.

"Gotta keep it civil, remember Marv?"

Marvin didn't need to see his face to know he had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. 

"So what are we doing for dessert again Babe? Was it chocolate eclairs? Banana split? Was is-"

And then Marvin was pushing him up against the fridge, pressing his lips against Whizzer's before more phallic-shaped desserts could leave them. Marvin's hand which wasn't gripping Whizzer's hair was roaming under his shirt as their kiss became more heated, Whizzer using both hands to grab his ass and pull him in closer. They carried on this way, like two horny teenagers going at it behind a bike shed after class, until they heard a cough from the doorway and froze like deer moments before the impact of a large truck. They both slowly turned their heads to see Trina standing there with a knowing smirk and arms folded.

"So, I guess you're serving  _rugelach_ for dessert then?"

Whizzer snorted and Marvin looked like he was about throw up some charred merguez. Trina laughed at his distress

"Don't worry boys we're getting out of your hair now, i'm sure you'd much prefer to eat your rugelach in peace."

Marvin was still frozen to the spot, unable to respond, or move, or possibly breathe. So Whizzer took over for him

"Thanks Trina, it was great having you all over. Though we'll probably come to you next time if that's okay?"

They laughed as Whizzer led Trina and the rest of their family to the door, while Marvin stayed frozen in place, wishing whichever hell dimension cooked their dinner would also swallow him whole. Whizzer came back into the kitchen, shaking his head when he saw Marvin's mortified expression.

"Babe it's fine. I think she's seen worse. Especially from us."

Marvin buried his face in his hands, groaning with the knowledge Trina would bring this up with any phallic shaped food, probably for the rest of her life, and certainly for the rest of his. A civil family meal. They had one job. 

"Babe" Whizzer moved Marvin's hands from his face, interlocking their fingers. "Now that they're gone, I  _really_  would like to try some of that rugelach we've been talking about so much. I've worked up an appetite." 

Whizzer knelt down on the hard tiled floor of the kitchen and unzipped Marvin's fly. Marvin let out a completely different groan to the despairing one minutes ago. He guessed the night hadn't been a  _complete_ disaster.

**Author's Note:**

> Its 5am and this is probably the ramblings of a crazy/very ill woman, but I hope you enjoy it!!  
> Please come say hi on tumblr! Beammeupbroadway.tumblr.com , even if it's to beg me to never make more food/dick jokes.


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